It’s not easy being productive. Maybe you’ve already worked long hours throughout the week, or you’ve just run out of brain juice to fuel the tasks you’ve yet to complete. If you’re like any other human who’s walked the earth, then it’s likely you’ve experienced a certain global phenomenon more than once: being lazy.
But can you be lazy… correctly? Are you doing what needs to be done to maximize your laziness potential? Could one even say you are too lazy at being lazy?
If these questions have plagued your mind while you sit on your couch and stare at the wall, then we have the solutions you need.
Upgrade Your Excuses
- “I’ll do it in a little.”
- “Just give me a few minutes?”
- “I don’t really feel like it.”
Have you found yourself saying these phrases when you’re hit with a good dose of laziness? If so, we’re sorry to say this, but you are simply not putting in the right effort at being lazy. If you want to be a master of this art, you’re going to have to upgrade your excuses. Incorporate some of the following examples into your next lazy spell:
- “If I’m forced to do this thing right now, I will genuinely die – the doctor said so.”
- “I can do this for you, but it’d keep me from seeing the birth of my firstborn… if you’re okay with that.”
- “I’m currently communicating with the spirits. Please do not disrupt us, lest you invoke their wrath.”
Alternatively, you may try to remain as still as possible to blend in with your surroundings and avoid bringing attention to yourself.
Doing It in Style
When training to become a lazy professional, there’s absolutely no reason to avoid doing it in style. To enhance how you display your laziness, we have a few recommendations:
Don’t Even Bother to Put Your Pants On
Clothes? Who needs ‘em! Eliminate any and all barriers between you and your procrastination potential by not even bothering to slip into your pants.
Cooking is Out. Takeout is In.
Forget all those complicated recipes stored on your phone and chuck out those bothersome ingredients from your kitchen cabinets. When it comes to fueling your lazy bones, there’s no better way than with takeout.
Extreme sports? Please. We’ve got something way better: Procrastination. That homework assignment due tomorrow? Save it for later. That work email you have yet to reply to? Who cares! This is your time to sit back, relax, and do nothing. Just leave it all up to the universe, and we’re sure it’ll work out. Possibly.
It takes practice for one to fully understand how they can be lazy like a pro, but it’s not impossible. All things considered, you should always take the time you need to unwind from life’s busy schedule; But always keep in mind that at some point, you will – and should – come back to reality.
Or, maybe you did learn to astral project. If so, just disregard everything and enjoy your life in the spiritual world. You deserve it.